I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize