Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
