this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
