so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
