what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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