i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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