real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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