Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
