Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.