somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
