This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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