Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
