:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
barbara walters just said penis...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
