i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
