did you get engaged???
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
