All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
