I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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