I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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