I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
