C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
