I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
