I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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