first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
