I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
