i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
