ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
