bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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