Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize