If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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