sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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