a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
