my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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