Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my mouth tastes like poor choices
People in love make me want to vomit
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
