Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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