ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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