Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
