so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
