she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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