So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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