I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
