Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
