I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Pappa wants mamma naked
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
