so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
