My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My balls are so social today.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
