whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
