I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
