u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
