My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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