I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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