she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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