Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
