so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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