wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
