Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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