Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize