Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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