i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
