u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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