Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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