Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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