But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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