i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
