So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
