her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
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So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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