Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
