I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
