We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
