You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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